Wednesday, 7 December 2011

What We Love Wednesdays!! Get your groove on!

It's December, and that means only one thing (besides all the other obvious things December means!) - office Christmas parties! *EEK!!* What do you see when you think of office Christmas parties? Drinking WAAAY too much alcohol and accidentally pulling a Britney? Or a Janet Jackson at the Superbowl? The ridiculous photos of your coworkers looking like Lindsay Lohan, but obviously thinking they looked more like Heidi Klum? Or awkward office hookups with that accountant who works at the Oxford office? Well, none of these Christmas party gems would be possible without one thing - our WWLW for the first week of December - dancing. Bad dancing, to be specific.
Now, us here at Sprezzatura know a little something about bad dancing - after all, one half of us is skinny English white girl (I'm not saying American white girls are any more rhythmic in general, but let's just say Laura brings the street cred to this couple (kidding! Almost completely.)) so we are not strangers to 'busting a move or two' on office Christmas party dance floors. In fact, Sarah prides herself on the first time she got into a club underage - she ran past the bouncers screaming 'OMG THIS IS MY SONG!!!!' (just pretend she said 'JAM' instead of 'SONG' though because the next bit is that embarrassing) -  her 'jam' was '5, 6, 7, 8' by Steps. Yes, really.
Why does race come into it, you ask? Surely Sarah is a 'special' dancer because of her non-grooving parents, not because she is white? Of course that comes into it, but research has shown that the 'whiter' people are (men and women alike), the worse the dancing. This research was entirely conducted by Laura, but you can see her results for yourself every time you walk into Yates at Leicester Square, or China Blue in Boise, or really any club with pop/dance/chart music. And if you're still in doubt, ask yourself this - how white do you think the person who invented the phrase 'throwing shapes' to describe dancing, was? Laura only heard this for the first time the other day, but was completely outraged that it was even invented - no wonder her girlfriend dances like THIS:

Back to the task at hand - readying you all for your inevitable Christmas party dancefloor showdowns. We're sure you'll be ever-so grateful (and so will your colleagues), because we've put together a list of dancing tips - to help make sure you move like Jagger instead of ... Phil Collins.

Tip 1 - Just because you're a great seat dancer, doesn't mean this translates to the dance floor. Exhibit A.

Tip 2 - Drinking more may make you seem like a better dancer, but in fact it has the opposite effect.

Tip 3 - Fight the urge to use your arms. I know, I know, what are you supposed to do with them? They are awkward. They are in the way. But just don't use them. Get a drink and hold it, put them in your pockets if you have to, just DON'T flail.
Tip 4 - Remember, when you're on the dancefloor, you're there to dance - not sing like you're auditioning for the X Factor. *cough, Laura, cough*

Tip 5 - In fact, especially while slow dancing, blissful silence is the way to go. Better that than awkward small talk over too loud music, with the conversation resulting in 'WHAAAAT?' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY??' 'I SAID I NEED THE LOO!' 'OH REALLY? I LIKE-LIKE YOU TOO!' (or did that only happen at middle school dances?)

Tip 6 - Teach yourself how to Dougie. Or let these men do it for you.
And if you have time, also learn this one. Because it's our favourite dance we've learned to date, and people like a showoff. Also take note of the amazing lighting effects throughout the video. High tech!

Tip 7 - Less is more. If you don't take anything else out of this post, or you think you don't need help, remember to start small. Just sway and snap your fingers or something. Whatever you do, if a song comes on that everyone seems to know the moves to (of the YMCA, Electric Slide, Cotton Eye Joe variety) do NOT stand in the middle of the floor and look lost. Fake it 'till you make it, or now's a good time to go get a drink.

Tip 8 - Know when to stop dancing. Hints include lights on, cleaners arriving, music ending, and waaaay too much space on the dance floor.

We hope you enjoy your party, don't do anything we wouldn't do!
Please bear in mind we were in Blackpool, basically UK's Jersey Shore - we were just trying to fit in!
DISCLAIMER: No egos were bruised in the making of this WWLW.

From Sarah: Having just arrived in the room and found out that Laura has written this post (featuring moi) I just wanted to share a situation that highlights our somewhat different dance styles!
Laura: 'Welcome to Bar Rumba, this is where I used to come during my black man hunting days (I'm paraphrasing here) - I love the bashment music they play!'
Sarah: 'They play basement music - whats that?'
Laura: 'It's like heavy hip hop, and really good to dance to!'
Sarah: 'Oh, ok, I might just stand and watch - you know 'get a feel for the place'
Laura: 'Don't be silly, it'll be fine, just come and dance with me!'
2 secs later
Laura: '...OK, maybe you should stand and get a feel for it - maybe get a drink or something.'
Sarah: 'A drink? I'm fine thanks, why do I need a drink?'
Laura: 'I love you but you need to......'
Sarah: 'yessss?'
Laura: ' I love you, and what I am about to say is for your own need to CONTROL YOUR ARMS!'

UPDATED DISCLAIMER: Apparently some egos were bruised in the making of this WWLW.... Laura would like to apologise for any offense caused to the featured dancers.

Honey, all jokes aside, I like the way you move.

Love always, and shake your groove thing,

Laura & Sarah xo

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