Baby Blogging: The End Of Breastfeeding!

13 months and 5 days ago our wonderful Annabelle joined our family and from the moment she arrived she has been breastfeeding. For the entire time I have been her Mum I have been breastfeeding her.

That was until now.

I haven't completely stopped breastfeeding but it is slowing down. And both Annabelle and I okay with it. I think. It's time.

Independent lady

The last hurdle we have to overcome is the midnight snack. For the last few weeks we have been giving Annabelle a bottle of cows milk at bedtime - around 5oz. Then just as we are drifting off to sleep Annabelle will wake up wanting food. At that point breastfeeding is the easiest option.

The same can be said of mornings. We haven't figured out getting a bottle ready in time for Annabelle waking up so I often pick her up and feed her. I also like the time we get together in the morning as often Annabelle wakes up super happy.

We are aiming to have ourselves sorted and Annabelle fully weaned by 15 months as we were reading that at that point she will develop a new sense of attachment that will be harder to break.

It's not easy writing that this is (almost) the end but then very little is easy raising a kid. The upside is that the rewards are amazing and constant. The enjoyment is more than I ever expected as Annabelle is no longer a baby it does make sense that she doesn't need me in quite the same way.

It's amazing reading the first post here and how far we have come.

Two months in we were finding our rhythm and I shared this post here on how I was getting on.

At nine months I shared this post here about preparing to go back to work and still breastfeed.

At ten months I was able to share this post on breastfeeding and working here.

And then this was the last post I shared on a year of breastfeeding here.

Happy world breastfeeding week to those Mum's out there who are able to breastfeed and kudos to those Mama's making it work feeding babies in another way!

Baby Blogging: A Year Of Breastfeeding!

I didn't think that I would ever be writing the statement 'I have breastfed for a year'. In fact I am somewhat shocked that breastfeeding is something I have been able to do for a year. Physically and managing it having being back in a full time job for over 2 months.

I wished I had purchased a battery breast pump, it is amazing how requiring a plug to be able to pump really restricts you. The amount of time I have ended up hand expressing in bathrooms as the office I am in doesn't have a meeting room that doesn't have glass windows - great for airiness, terrible for privacy!

Breastfeeding has definitely been a journey for me. A fairly easy journey for the most part but at the start I didn't expect to be saying that.

My first breastfeeding post was when Annabelle was a few weeks old. You can read it here. My introduction to breastfeeding wasn't the idealistic experience we had been told about in antenatal classes.

Two months into breastfeeding Annabelle and I had found our rhythm but it wasn't without challenges. I shared my experience in this post here - it includes some breastfeeding truths I never knew about!

Being back at work has probably been the biggest change in my breastfeeding journey though. For almost 3 months I have had to factor in pumping in order to keep our supply of milk stocked up for Annabelle to have when I am not around. I have had to make time when I am in the office, I have had to find time in my work day and I have to plan to not be travelling too much in one day that would mean I couldn't pump once my boobs have filled up.  It can be a logistical nightmare.

This is meant to be a good read and full of advice!

I do love the morning feeds. I try my upmost to be there for the first feed of the day as it is time for just us. Annabelle usually sleeps until 6.30am-ish so I am often able to get up and feed her while we doze and then really wake up around 7am when she has finished. I also do my best to be home for bedtime feeds. Nighttime feeds are sadly more hit and miss based on trains and meetings but I only miss a feed once or twice a month so I can't complain.

When I am working from home (which I get to do fairly often) it is a benefit if I can do it on days that Annabelle is being looked after my Mum so she's in the house. That way I can time my lunch break so I can come and feed Annabelle pre-nap.

The one thing that has changed significantly over the year is the way Annabelle feeds. At the start feeds were short and it was easy to tell when she was done. Nowadays feeds can last anywhere between 20 mins and 45 mins. They are less frequent but it is also harder to tell if/when she has had enough. She can be easily distracted and will often have some milk, get down off me, wander around, come back for me. In addition it has created an interesting challenge in our relationship.

For Annabelle's entire life I have been a source of food and comfort and sometimes it is hard to separate myself from being that and just be Mum. I can walk through the door after a meeting or walk downstairs for a refreshment and Annabelle will be on me. I may get a hug but within 5 minutes if I am not feeding her she will meltdown. That is hard. It is not always related to her usual feeding times so it's not predictable, all I know is I get a few minutes of her being excited to see me followed by a really tough time. What's harder is she can be easily pacified by others - it's just me that gets the hard time.

I am at the stage now where I can honestly say I have no idea how much longer I will continue breastfeeding. I think we will try and naturally phase it out. Annabelle eats a lot and is happy drinking anything from a bottle (now) so we can start to introduce other milk if we need to. While I love the bonding and time we have together during feeding I won't miss the fidgeting, the hitting, the epic feeds that mean I can be sat alone (as Annabelle will be napping while she feeds) listening to everything happening outside. This isn't always an issue but at events it leaves me feeling isolated.

And then there are the leaps. When Annabelle is going through a leap then feeding becomes more of a priority, she uses it as comfort but also because she seems to need more food. Unfortunately in a leap Annabelle also seems to go off actual food or make it more difficult to feed her easily.

So there it is. A year of breastfeeding. We've been lucky to have had such a good run, I'll be forever grateful that I have been able to breastfeed, parenting would certainly have had different challenges had I not.

Climbing the stairs at Warwick Castle

I mean without breastfeeding we'll have to figure out whole new ways to comfort Annabelle, calm her down, feed her on the go, get her to sleep - we have definitely taken the easy way out so far!

I wonder if there will be an 18 months of breastfeeding post????

Baby Blogging - Breastfeeding (an almost) 10 Month Old - The Truth!

If you ever attended a prenatal NCT or NHS (or equivalent in your part of the world) you were probably told 'breast is best' and that you should breastfeed as long as possible. We were told in our class that the worldwide average was 3 years!

In reality breastfeeding isn't possible or practical for many people. I have been fortunate that Annabelle latched instantly and hasn't stopped, and thankfully neither has my milk. I think thankfully!

I shared this post back when Annabelle was first born on what I wished I'd known about breastfeeding, click here.

And this post on my continued journey - the positives and negatives, click here.

Anyway that brings us to now. Annabelle is about to turn 10 months and somehow we are still breastfeeding. I say we as it is a joint effort. Unless I am on a train first thing I always breastfeed Annabelle before she heads to nursery or my Mums. I will do whatever it takes to be home for bed time so I can do the last feed and in between, well good olde expressed milk does the job.

These hugs are the best

One interesting discovery is that Annabelle is not a fan of drinking her milk at nursery, they struggle to get her to have 2oz's. We think it's that she's not 100% comfortable there yet as she drinks it when my Mum is feeding her. Thankfully she LOVES food and eats the meals and snacks they provide so isn't going hungry. Laura then feeds her a bottle when she gets home, and she drinks the whole thing!

Mama the hero

I was thinking the other night, during one particularly long evening feed, that there are definite pros and cons to breastfeeding this long and here's my thoughts:

Pro's:

• It's convenient
• It allows Annabelle and I to have some time, just us
• It's comforting for her and a relief for me
• It nutritious
• It's free
• It's a great time to relax and be present

Con's:

• When I am away from Annabelle I have to set up a production to be able to pump every 4 hours (think sterilizer, bottle parts, pump, container for milk, cool bag and to carry that stuff requires it own bag - it's a lot)

The wellness room/cupboard at work where I go to pump

• Not pumping is not an option (see previous posts but it is AGONY)
• Less feeds mean longer feeds, where we used to be done in 15 minutes it can now be 30 mins and no position is comfortable for that long, especially with a wriggly baby - plus relaxation turns to creating to-do lists and thinking about all the stuff you could be doing
• Annabelle is now big enough, and capable enough, of wriggling free, sitting up, grabbing my arm, hair, belly and it hurts, her trying to get my boob from all angles hurts!
• Teeth - nuff said - Annabelle has 8 and knows how to use them!

She may look charming!

• It can get lonely, that's weird to say but sometimes when things are going on elsewhere - like friends are over and chatting downstairs, or a family gathering is happening where you can hear laughter. I am sat in a quiet room with Annabelle, who in most cases is dozy so I don't want to chat to her and wake her up, on my own with nothing to do but listen to what I am not a part of

Although I can list out cons, easily I'm afraid to admit, I wouldn't change the fact that we have made it this far, I'm proud of us! I thought we would quit it at 6 months, definitely be over it by 9 months, and going back to work while breastfeeding seemed absurd - and it is! - but we are pushing through and making it work. So as I write this I am thinking we might stop at 12 months - that's my thought for now anyway :D

We got this!

Baby Blogging - Breastfeeding - The Truth!

Two months ago I wrote this post on breastfeeding. Annabelle was 20 days old and I would have classed myself as a complete newbie finding my way with the help of Annabelle. It has definitely an experience since then.

At 21 days I was starting to manage the pain and we were finding a routine that meant Annabelle wasn't constantly feeding and I wasn't able to go anywhere without her.

Now two months later here's the latest:

• Annabelle is still breastfeeding like a champ
• Our routine is clearer, after a nap it's nappy change then feed. We have 2-3 hours awake time then a quick feed and back to napping. Unless she is having an 'awake day' in which case napping is non-existent and the 'quick feed' is just a brief pause before needing another nappy change
• I am enjoying it
• It's not the bonding experience I thought it would be because
• The back, shoulder and neck ache is real
• I now express daily so other people (mainly Laura) can feed Annabelle and we can leave her with other people
• Our freezer looks like a very weird ice-cream mix up with so many bags of milk
• 'Have boob will travel' has become our response to being asked if we want to go anywhere
• Being able to breastfeed has reduced prep time for heading out - we just make sure we have nappies, cream and a change of clothes and off we go
• My boob has been out in restaurants, parks, the middle of Manchester and in plenty of car parks and I couldn't care less
• Breastfeeding is mutually beneficial for Annabelle and I, and not in a mother earth way..... in a way that if I go too long with feeding her my boobs hurt so bad I will feed her before shes even announced she's hungry
• Public loo pumping is a thing I do now
• The amount of 'white' marks that are appearing on clothes, cushions, furniture is ridiculous.... it's amazing how much mess can be made out of milk!

Okay so that was a brain dump but here's the context.....
Overall I am glad to be able to breastfeed, it is super convenient and easy. It makes whole days out possible, like when we headed to Manchester, or our road trip to see family.  Yet the downsides do exist and in some ways I can't believe I have never heard much about them.

When I go more than a few hours without feeding the pain is crazy. Imagine inflating balloons in your bra, so they have no room to go anywhere BUT the balloons aren't soft, they are filled with concrete so they are heavy and the weight is painful. That's what it is like. It means that 2 hours into heading to see Britney I had to spend 20 minutes in the toilets (thankfully in the gap between Pitbull and Britney) with a hand pump expressing. The same happened at the wedding reception we attended. Oh and on the train to Bournemouth for my keep in touch day. And at the spa day I had with my Mum and sister. The hand pump is a life saver - a slow, hard work, manually intensive work out but a life saver. If I couldn't relief the pressure I would probably end up leaking everywhere and in a lot of pain.

Interestingly I saw this article about a Mum doing a 103 mile marathon race and at the stops she breastfeed and pumped. I was more impressed that she was doing the marathon than breastfeeding but reading the article this comment stood out from her: 'Oh my god I was in agony! Cormac usually feeds every three hours and it took me 16 to get to Courmayeur where he could first meet me so I was hand expressing everywhere I could en route. 

'I was so relieved he was hungry!'

This to me sums up breastfeeding.

Link

And OMG this is TMI but if Annabelle has been asleep for longer than usual the pressure release when she does feed causes my boob to literally soak her, the pressure causes streams of milk to fly out and if she pulls back she gets a face full before I can stop it. It is both funny and awful all at once.

The other thing I am suffering with is back, neck and shoulder pain as Annabelle gets heavier. Sure sat at home I am surrounded by supportive pillows but that doesn't help the pain caused by stooping or gazing at Annabelle. Honestly the pictures promoting it as a 'bonding experience as you gaze at each other' are SO wrong. When I do look at Annabelle my neck hurts, when I look to long I get so round shouldered. In fact when getting a massage at the spa the lady commented how 'seized up my back was' and it's really common with breastfeeding.....oh and that I should get regular massages....I wish :) This trip for a facial really helped though!

So when I say it is mutually beneficial that is the truest statement I could make. Annabelle gets fed and my boobs stop hurting - I am not looking forward to when we start weaning her. The hand pump will have to be on stand by! The weight loss is also an added benefit....but my balance may be off as i'm sure I am eating more than the 500 calories extra a day.

On a plus side the nighttime leakage has stopped, I am using an old maternity bra with breast pads and it's only if and when Annabelle sleeps more than 7 hours that I wake up drowning in my milk. Or in soaking sheets. I mean seriously who romanticises breastfeeding????

The nighttime feeds are also easier as I can roll on my side and feed Annabelle as I doze so I am less 'awake' and therefore able to fall back asleep easily when she has finished. I did see this image that made me laugh though - I am sure Annabelle can relate!

Okay this is a pretty perfect moment...satisfied post feed!

Having said all that it is Annabelle and I time and I wouldn't swap that for anything. Her happy gurgling and the smiles when she's finished are enough motivation to get through any back pain. Plus she is growing well and is healthy so I plan to continue.

The 'have boob will travel' line has meant that Annabelle has just fitted in. We were asked the other day how life pre-Annabelle compares to life with Annabelle and we struggled to think of any real challenges. We pack a bit more, take a bit longer to get anywhere and you may have to continue talking to me why I get my boob out (with some dignity I hope thanks to the one top up and one top down method) but other than that we still get up and go. We have been able to continuing to discovering Birmingham on nights out thanks to Buckt (more on this later and on Instagram) and the support of my wonderful Mum and sister and local friends. In fact only last night was I feeding Annabelle in Grand Central station before leaving her with friends while Laura and I went to smash things up in a Rage Room.

What I would say is breastfeeding also involves a lot of support. Sure I provide the boob but if I din't have Laura shielding me when my 'boob removal' is not going to plan I would give some poor strangers a fright. Plus Laura is on hand with muslins, bibs, clothes as you never know when Annabelle will decide to give me back the milk or share it with someone nearby. When my back really hurts mid feed Laura places her ever supportive hand on my back to ease the pain and more than that she will help hold Annabelle when she is fidgeting.

More than all of the above Laura is also the first to say 'let me feed Annabelle' when we have had an awake day. That offer is no small/easy offer. Defrosting the frozen milk, heating it to the right temperature and doing it while Annabelle is screaming is not an easy task, yet she does it - often.

It's amazing as even having Annabelle I wouldn't say we have become super Mumsy, at the start I judged myself for that. I read posts by other saying that their child was 'everything' and don't get me wrong Annabelle is our everything but her easy going nature and willingness to be breastfeed anywhere have meant we and I especially have kept a sense of myself. Yes I know I breastfeed but yes I still go out, yes I still explore and yes Laura and I still have time to ourselves. We are like we have always been but with an extra amazing addition.

Post feed snuggles are the best

My final thought on the subject right now is the un-comfortableness I feel when propositioning Annabelle with my boob - anyone else notice how the terms used all sound a bit too.....erm weird to say to a baby. Lines such as 'come on you know you want it', 'just put in your mouth', 'stop messing around down there this isn't the time for fun and games', 'OMG that feels so good' (generally after a gap in feeding after the above reasons). I feel weird even writing that but it makes Laura and I laugh, often.

Are you breastfeeding? Do you feel the same? Have you experienced the pain? Any tips?

Baby Blogging - Breastfeeding!

If you are pregnant, have recently been pregnant or know anyone who is/was pregnant you may have heard the term 'Breast is best'.

As I am currently breastfeeding, I wanted to share my experience and what I wished I known beforehand.

If you have followed our journey so far you may remember this post that detailed our experience of NHS antenatal classes, while we loved the general parenting class this was the summary of our breast-feeding class:

'The room was packed so there was very little space for practical exercises and the class tutor was insistent that breast was best (until age 3!!) and dismissed questions about bottle feeding. '

With most things in life I like to be prepared, to have a Plan B in case Plan A doesn't work and with breastfeeding it was no different. Plan A was to breastfeed but I wanted to understand what happened if that wasn't possible. It was surprising to me that we had to pay for a different class to get that information as the NHS is so focused on 'breast is best'.

I mean, we get it, breast milk is packed full of nutrients but what isn't considered is what if the baby can't / won't latch and feed or what if the mother doesn't produce milk....or enough milk. It makes sense to us to understand what is involved with formula feeding and all of the things you need to know about sterilizing equipment. Even if you are expressing breast milk you need to know the basics!

One campaign run by the NHS over the years included this one:

Details here

Anyway the paid for class gave us the basics and made us feel a lot better.

However what both classes failed to tell us was exactly what breastfeeding is really like - especially at the start. They taught us the practical advice, how to hold the baby, how to encourage a good latch etc but here is my experience.

Day 1: Annabelle arrived and within the hour was ready to latch and try to get milk - for me it was a weird feeling and over the first few hours it went from a novelty to a feeling of frustration as Annabelle clearly wasn't getting anything and was crying to feed every 45 minutes or so.

The calm between the feeding

Night 1: Annabelle continued to want to feed almost constantly, my boobs were starting to get bigger and I could tell she was starting to get something. Frustration subsided on my part as tiredness took over. As I was on a ward the nurses frequently popped by to provide pain relief (after my c-section) and they would either get Annabelle out of her crib or put her back in depending on where we were with feeding.

Day 2: With less than 3 hours sleep, day 2 started with me crying when Laura walked in with Maccy D breakfast. Over our time together we have always dealt with challenges together and this was the first time I had to go it alone (partners aren't allowed to stay overnight in the ward). I had missed Laura. As soon as Laura arrived she took charge, changing Annabelle and making sure I had everything I needed. What Laura couldn't help with was Annabelle needing to feed.....almost constantly.

My loves

If day 1 had been a novelty, day 2 was reality. By this point my breasts were starting to get sore and I was so grateful for the advice of bringing in Lanolin cream as I started applying it immediately.

A breastfeeding consultant visited us on the ward and checked Annabelle's latch, which was thankfully good, and taught me how to bring on the milk by hand with massage. It was a crazy moment seeing my boobs actually producing milk (or really, colostrum).

The technique of hand expressing my milk made Annabelle's latching quicker as she could smell it, and also reassured me that she was now being fed something.

What was challenging was that every time Laura picked Annabelle up she screamed - in fact, she screamed if she was anywhere except my boob. It took every bit of love, support and teamwork to get through day 2. At one point I needed the loo and due to the c-section wound the walk there and back was slow. It meant Laura had Annabelle for 20 minutes. The first 5 minutes were fine, the next 15 were awful. Annabelle screamed at the top of her lungs, nothing settled her. Laura cried too in frustration, not being able to soothe her! It wasn't until I was back and able to feed that she calmed down.

By this point the thought of continuing to breastfeed was an unpleasant one. My boobs hurt when Annabelle latched to the point that I needed a deep breathe before starting every feed. If someone had offered me a bottle at that point I would have been very tempted.

Over the day I was able to nap as Laura supervised Annabelle feeding - thankfully once feeding, the pain subsided and didn't stop me sleeping!

Night 2: After night 1 I was more prepared at what to expect, or so I thought. Annabelle still required feeding frequently but with 4 ladies on my ward (the first night had just been me and 1 other) the nurses visits were less frequent. Worse still my 'call button' was stuck behind the bed so I had to find a way to pick up and put Annabelle down without pulling my wound. It was an added challenge as Annabelle would decide to scream within 10 minutes of me putting her down.

When I popped to the loo Annabelle decided to test her lungs and wake up the entire ward - I felt terrible and from 4am I picked her up and kept her in my bed. That way I could deal with whatever she needed.

It did mean that when Laura arrived I was once again in a state and had very little sleep.

Day 3: Home time. Laura arrived with another Maccy D's breakfast - my hero! We were on the ward until 4pm so had most of the day waiting on checks to be sent home. The feeding had slowed to every two hours as my milk had properly come in (great job, Annabelle!) but it was now my engorged boobs that were the challenge. Putting on a bra was painful, even with the cream my boobs were still in pain. It was becoming a real mind over matter situation to continue the feeding.

Once home, Laura set me up on the couch with cushions as support and went into caring mode. We ordered pizza for dinner (and caught up on Love Island!) and started to figure out what life was now going to be like.

My Mum popped over with cushions and pillows to make the couch a comfortable throne. What Mum also brought was invaluable advice, my now engorged boobs were agony. Add to that the latch was awfully painful and I was ready to quit breastfeeding. Mum, however, told me how a cold cloth would reduce the pain, and it really did. Laura provided a constant supply of cold cloths and I honestly think it is the only reason I could continue.

Night 3: My c-section wound meant I couldn't make it up the two flights of stairs to our room so we stayed in the guest room. Laura had set up the 'beside me crib' next to the bed and it worked so well when Annabelle needed feeding - which continued to be every 2 hours. We didn't really sleep but we survived. Laura did all nappy changes and I did all the feeds.

Day 4: The midwife visit assured us that everything (all the pain) I was experiencing was normal. Surprising as the classes had played down the pain. Also the level / frequency of feeding was totally underplayed. Annabelle was feeding every 2-3 hours and the amount of nappies being used was WAY higher than we expected. Thanks Aldi for super cheap nappies! We plan to use cloth diapers but want to first get to a point where there is more of a routine.

My sister came over and allowed us the opportunity to have showers, another tip was that warm showers also help relieve the pain from engorged boobs and it really did. I also tried using our expressing machine and that reduced the pressure too. If it wasn't for my Mum and Laura's support breastfeeding would have been impossible.

We are now 21 days in and I can say that the experience is totally different. It changed gradually, as Annabelle got into more of a routine, we now feed every 3 hours and that gap between feeds has meant the pain has reduced significantly. The Lanolin cream works a treat and I still use it after every feed. The amount of milk produced has also equaled out so I can now feed from one boob at a time instead of having to use both. That has also eased the pain.

My birthday breakfast involved public breastfeeding

We all got to enjoy milkshakes ;)

The only thing left to sort out is the leakage - during the day I wear a nursing bra with pads and it is under control but at night it's a different story. That's the next thing to address!