Tuesday, 16 May 2017

Love Languages (update)

Almost 5 years ago Laura and I completed a free online test to identify our love languages. If you haven't taken the test you can do it for here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Our original post can be found here.

Knowing your and your partners love languages helps you understand how your behaviour is perceived by your partner. For example unless your partner see acts of service as a form of love then you spending hours tidying the house or cooking a meal won't mean you are showing love in the way they need it.

Our love languages back in 2012 were:
Interestingly we did the test at the weekend when a couple of friends were trying it and our results have changed. Turns out 3 years of marriage and a lifestyle overhaul has had an impact.

So here's my uneducated read on the changes. As I have got busier at work the support I have needed has increased and therefore Laura helping out with tasks / act of service is really appreciated by me. So the Acts of Service 'love language' is high on my list.

My top three are joint in a very accurate summary of my life right now, I am either busy and need support or not at work and wanting to make the most of every moment in close proximity to Laura.

For Laura quality time relates to 'switching off', spending time together. Time together while we are driving somewhere doesn't count for Laura as she doesn't have my attention - it's not quality time. It's just time.

However Laura is super capable and prefers to do things properly herself so me trying to 'help' is not a source of love for Laura (probably more frustration) but a hug to show my support will go a long way.

The experiment was as eyeopening now, 5 years later, as it was in 2012. Once again we got insight into how we could improve our relationship. We both clearly feel more secure in our relationship so the words of affirmation are less important. That is a big positive and something we have actively worked on.

If anything the love languages lesson is also an important lesson for life - I grew up treating others as I wanted to be treated, more and more I am finding that statement needs far more context. What is acceptable to me is often not as acceptable to other people. Therefore treating other how they would like to be treated is what I am working towards. it's hard. I like logic and people to think things through before calling me at work. I am trying to adapt to the fact that others like to use the call to talk things through. It can take a few deep breaths but I'm getting there.

The impact our communication style has is amazing, both positive and negative and it is worth taking 5 minutes to consider your communication style the next time you are about to interact with someone. See if it makes a difference.

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