Guest Post: Why Is Dating Harder For LGBT People Today?

With our 5th wedding anniversary coming up and June being Pride month, what better time to spread some love! When we a received an email from Jenny at LezBeGay with a solution for single LGBT people we thought it was an amazing idea and that now would be a great time to share it with you.

Why Is Dating Harder For LGBT People Today?

A 2011 report by the Williams Institute states that gay people make up 1.7 percent of the population. Separate those 1.7 percent down to gender preference, attraction and similar mindsets and what’s left for us gay folk? The pickings are slim as the numbers are not in our favour, with gay people outside of cities having the most challenging time meeting someone. Whilst we don’t have control over percentages of our existence, there are a few things that complicate things even further….

 Go to any gay bar or social function and you’ll either see people standing alone sipping their drinks hoping for someone to come up to them or packs protectively surrounding themselves with their group of friends. What’s the result? You become invisible from contact with people outside your friendship circle.

I’ve discussed this with my own friends and the majority state that they take a passive approach when it comes to flirting in public and wait to be approached by someone else. Shyness and fear of rejection are the number one reason behind my female friends lack of initiative at introducing themselves to someone they find attractive and interesting. In my experience, this doesn’t appear to be as big an issue in heterosexual circles as straight men are more likely to take the initiative.

10 years ago this kind of behaviour would have been a problem but not anymore! Today we have texting and other online platforms that allow for hiding behind a screen instead of having in-person communication. We’re okay with our shyness and fear of rejection, we don’t try to get past it anymore because technology allows us to hide; our social skills and flirting abilities have weakened.

Gone are the days of meeting the love of your life by chance at Starbucks. Nah, today we’re all about Tinder. Good thing we’ve got Tinder you say? Nope. This problem can be applied to all millennials, whether you’re gay or straight.

Technology has made are lives so much easier, whether it comes down to looking up a new recipe or texting our flatmates to bring back a pack of beer from work. I’m typing this from my smartphone, ironic or what?

BUT my experience with Tinder and other dating apps shows that millennials have lost the ability to appreciate what’s in front of them because we have so much choice, literally seconds away.

Everyone who we swipe through is supposed to look like a model, be super successful, like everything we like, and fit the molds we’ve created that no one can ever actually live up to.

We all expect to have perfect tens for partners even if we aren’t a ten, which no one is, and the quest for this mythical creature ruins our ability to see how amazing the person in front of our screen truly is; we don’t give them the chance to show their quirks in person. This, in my experience, is when a person’s personality shines through, when you let go of prejudices that you may have been fed from a picture and a few lines; you simply let go and interact with the person face-to-face.

I got sick of swiping so decided to go old school. I wanted lots of dates all in one night, I didn’t want to get ghosted nor did I fancy sticking around if I didn’t like the person. How do you manage that you ask? Speed dating. Speed dating is something that has never really held much appeal in the past. Maybe it’s down to a preconception of it being a grown-up mix of musical chairs and snap. So the trick is to make a good impression, make a connection and make an assessment on the reality of what is in front of you, not a preconceived idea. Despite wanting to speed date, when I did a Google search I noticed that there weren’t any websites dedicated to gay people. This is why I decided to start a website for the LGBT community. If the points above perhaps apply to you, then you can check the site out at www.lezbegay.co.uk. We are currently holding events in London but hope to  eventually roll out through the rest of the UK.

I’m still trying to find the woman of my dreams but when I find her at the next speed dating event, I'll be sure to let you know.

Jenny

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So there you have it! If you're LGBT, single and London based (currently!) check out Jenny's dating site, www.lezbegay.co.uk - get dating!