With our 5th wedding anniversary coming up and June being Pride month, what better time to spread some love! When we a received an email from Jenny at LezBeGay with a solution for single LGBT people we thought it was an amazing idea and that now would be a great time to share it with you.
Why Is Dating Harder For LGBT People Today?
A 2011 report by the Williams Institute states that gay people make up 1.7 percent of the population. Separate those 1.7 percent down to gender preference, attraction and similar mindsets and what’s left for us gay folk? The pickings are slim as the numbers are not in our favour, with gay people outside of cities having the most challenging time meeting someone. Whilst we don’t have control over percentages of our existence, there are a few things that complicate things even further….
Go to any gay bar or social function and you’ll either see people standing alone sipping their drinks hoping for someone to come up to them or packs protectively surrounding themselves with their group of friends. What’s the result? You become invisible from contact with people outside your friendship circle.
I’ve discussed this with my own friends and the majority state that they take a passive approach when it comes to flirting in public and wait to be approached by someone else. Shyness and fear of rejection are the number one reason behind my female friends lack of initiative at introducing themselves to someone they find attractive and interesting. In my experience, this doesn’t appear to be as big an issue in heterosexual circles as straight men are more likely to take the initiative.
10 years ago this kind of behaviour would have been a problem but not anymore! Today we have texting and other online platforms that allow for hiding behind a screen instead of having in-person communication. We’re okay with our shyness and fear of rejection, we don’t try to get past it anymore because technology allows us to hide; our social skills and flirting abilities have weakened.
Gone are the days of meeting the love of your life by chance at Starbucks. Nah, today we’re all about Tinder. Good thing we’ve got Tinder you say? Nope. This problem can be applied to all millennials, whether you’re gay or straight.
Technology has made are lives so much easier, whether it comes down to looking up a new recipe or texting our flatmates to bring back a pack of beer from work. I’m typing this from my smartphone, ironic or what?
BUT my experience with Tinder and other dating apps shows that millennials have lost the ability to appreciate what’s in front of them because we have so much choice, literally seconds away.
Everyone who we swipe through is supposed to look like a model, be super successful, like everything we like, and fit the molds we’ve created that no one can ever actually live up to.
We all expect to have perfect tens for partners even if we aren’t a ten, which no one is, and the quest for this mythical creature ruins our ability to see how amazing the person in front of our screen truly is; we don’t give them the chance to show their quirks in person. This, in my experience, is when a person’s personality shines through, when you let go of prejudices that you may have been fed from a picture and a few lines; you simply let go and interact with the person face-to-face.
I got sick of swiping so decided to go old school. I wanted lots of dates all in one night, I didn’t want to get ghosted nor did I fancy sticking around if I didn’t like the person. How do you manage that you ask? Speed dating. Speed dating is something that has never really held much appeal in the past. Maybe it’s down to a preconception of it being a grown-up mix of musical chairs and snap. So the trick is to make a good impression, make a connection and make an assessment on the reality of what is in front of you, not a preconceived idea. Despite wanting to speed date, when I did a Google search I noticed that there weren’t any websites dedicated to gay people. This is why I decided to start a website for the LGBT community. If the points above perhaps apply to you, then you can check the site out at www.lezbegay.co.uk. We are currently holding events in London but hope to eventually roll out through the rest of the UK.
I’m still trying to find the woman of my dreams but when I find her at the next speed dating event, I'll be sure to let you know.
Jenny
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So there you have it! If you're LGBT, single and London based (currently!) check out Jenny's dating site, www.lezbegay.co.uk - get dating!
Welcome to a special Guest Blogger edition of What We Love Wednesdays!!
Today, our favourite little rock star (and workmate), Martha Mayhem, has kindly
agreed to give us a break from our usual cheesy pop-filled playlists, and replace it with some edge! Rock on, Marth!!
Hi everyone, I'm Martha: good friends and colleagues of the legends
that are Laura and Sarah. I play guitar and sing in a female rock band called
Gasoline Thrill.
Laura & Sarah have very kindly let me guest blog their WWLW
today on my all-time favourite subject. Any guesses what that is? Girl rockers,
of course!
I’d love to share with you my Rockin’ Women Top Ten - so without
further ado, lets ‘Blog and Roll’!!!
1. Joan Jett
Back in the 1970’s, rock and roll has just been established: there
were female musicians, but only a few genuine female rockers. Joan Jett bucked
this trend and played rock at a time when it was more fashionable and widely
accepted for women to pursue gentler sounds like soft-rock and disco. In the
process, she recorded several major hits and became an icon to future
femme-rockers like L-7 and Bikini Kill.
Joan co-fronted the ‘70s girl group The Runaways before achieving
stardom after leaving them in 1979 to start her own band The Blackhearts. She
hit the big time in 1982 with‘I
Love Rock and Roll’, a snarling hard-rock update of an obscure glam rock
song. It became an instant rock anthem and stayed at the Number 1 spot on the
pop charts for seven weeks. [L&S note: ‘I Love Rock and Roll’ was then
covered by the great Britney Spears in Crossroads,
which is where we know it from!! Sorry Marth, just couldn’t resist! ;D ]
By the 90's, Joan Jett had become a
cult idol to a group of young, all-female rockers who regard her as the
original "grrl-rocker". And one
of my faves, she is still rocking today. Hell yere!
2. Debbie Harry (Blondie)
Debbie Harry ushered in a new wave of rock and roll when she
arrived on the punk rock scene in the mid 1970s. Best known as the front woman
of Blondie, she inspired women everywhere to hack their hair off, reach for the
peroxide and sing along to hits such as ‘Hanging On The Telephone’, ‘Heart Of Glass’, ‘Call
Me’, and ‘Rapture’. A
beloved gay icon and strong advocate for LGBT rights and gay marriage, Debbie
Harry (& Blondie) is still just as relevant today.
3. Courtney Love
Courtney Love my personal fav. for being the most controversial and
outspoken female rock star. She is the lead vocalist, lyricist, and rhythm
guitarist of the group Hole, formed in 1989. At my first Hole gig at
Glastonbury 1999 she told the audience for F*** off and that it was America who
the war, (not the best idea to a group of Brits) but added to the excitement of
the show.
Love was married to Kurt Cobain, frontman of the grunge band
Nirvana. In the early 1990s, she became known for popularizing the fashion
style “kinderwhore” characterized by torn babydoll dresses and smeared red
lipstick.
Throughout her career, Love's wild stage antics and subversive
feminist attitude have polarized audiences and critics, with Rolling Stone once
calling her "the most controversial woman in the history of rock.”
Love has advocated for several causes, including stricter gun control laws, feminism, and gay rights; during a 1997 award speech at VH1's Fashion Awards, Love said "I feel that keeping gay people in the
closet with our actions and attitudes is cruel and tacky, and most of all, it's
boring. I think we need to respect each other and ourselves, and who we are,
and what we are, and not be afraid to be what we are, whether we're gay, or
straight, or... insane."
Another special mention for Courtney for helping to encourage more girls to play the guitar by donating hers to lucky members of the audience at her shows!
4. Brody Dalle
Brody Dalle is an Australian born American singer, songwriter and
guitarist. She rose to fame as lead singer/guitarist for the punk rock band The
Distillers and currently fronts Spinnerette.
In her late teens, Dalle started a band
of her own, Sourpuss, which developed a solid fanbase, and played alongside
Beastie Boys and Sonic Youth at Australia's Somersault Festival. There, she met Tim Armstrong, the frontman of
the punk band Rancid, when she was sixteen. She saw him packing up the drums
backstage, and the two quickly fell head-over-heels in love with each other.
Despite Armstrong being 13 years her senior, and Dalle initially lying about
her age (but who hasn’t?), the couple married shortly after Dalle turned
eighteen. She moved with Armstrong from Melbourne to Los Angeles, California
and there founded The Distillers. However, they divorced in 2003, and Brody is
currently married to Queens of the Stone Age singer Josh Homme.
Brody has helped influence a new age of punk looking girl rockers.
5. Kim Gordon (Sonic Youth)
Kim Gordon is a brash and enigmatic female member of Sonic Youth, which
started out in 1981, influenced by the drone-rock culture that emerged from the
ruins of punk rock.
From its conception, Sonic Youth began producing music that has
been described by some as "perfect noise". By tuning their
instruments to achieve sounds never before produced as or considered music, Gordon
and her bandmates began to make a name for themselves on the underground scene.
Lyrically, Gordon has become a voice of feminism without becoming
subsumed by the movement. While publicly dealing with issues such as rape,
anorexia, sexual harassment and supermodels, she has somehow been able to
maintain a certain reserve.
She was given the title of Godmother of the Riot Grrl supporting the
Washington (USA)-born female punk movement that has fostered groups such as Bikini
Kill and L7.
6. Donita Sparks (L7)
Donita Sparks headed up the Los Angeles-based all-girl punk band
known as L7. They were a feisty live act with a good amount of decent songs
some of which my band cover at our live shows including Shitlist. (next time
you are p**sed off with someone, listen to this song, you will feel better I
promise!)
Despite L7's reputation as hard-partying rock & roll animals,
they also had a keen sense of political and social activism, and helped found
Rock for Choice, a series of benefit concerts to support pro-choice movements
in the USA and Canada, as well as playing other benefits for Greenpeace and Act
Up.
Donita is infamously remembered for dropping her trousers on the
set of the UK television show The Word during
a live taping of their song ‘Pretend We’re Dead’. During an outdoor performance
by L7 at the 1992 Reading Festival in England, she retaliated in anger at some
fans that were throwing mud at her by removing her used tampon onstage and
throwing it into the crowd! I’m sure that shut them up!
7. Ann Wilson (Heart)
Ann Wilson is lead singer of the American female rock band who first found success in Canada. With
line up changes aplenty, she and her sister Nancy were the only consistent
members of Heart.
Other female led rock bands have been trying to imitate Hearts
success for decades. They were extremely popular in the 1970's, where they used
hard rock and folk music backgrounds to create a unique sound that has
continued to be played on classic rock radio stations everywhere. They have
sold over thirty million albums worldwide and continue to play today.
Laura actually introduced me to Heart – proving she is not all Britney Spears and the Bee Gees!!
8. Skin (Skunk Anansie)
Skin is the lead singer of current alternative rock band called
Skunk Anansie. She is one of the very few female rock stars still out there
currently gigging so I follow them round UK and Europe to see their shows. Last
gig was in Bulgaria where she jumped into the crowd backwards from the drum
kit! Now that rocks!!
Skin describes their music as
‘clit-rock’ -- an amalgam of heavy metal and black feminist rage. Skin is an
out and proud lesbian, and supports many LGBT causes. She began singing in high
school for a classmate's band after considering the offer for over a year. Six
years after that band broke up the members of Skunk Anansie met one another by
chance. Their name was taken from the West Indian folktales of Anansi the
Spider-Man, with a slight change of spelling and "Skunk" added to
make the name nastier.
The group played its first gig at London's Splash club in March 1994, and recorded its debut album, Paranoid and Sunburnt, at a haunted house outside the city. The band's first single was called ‘Selling Jesus’ and three years later Skunk Anansie returned with ‘Post Orgasmic Chill’.
They have enjoyed chart success with ‘Weak’ which resulted in them
being asked headline Glastonbury Festival in 2000, one of my all time favourite
gigs!
9. Gwen Stefani
Gwen Renée Stefani was the lead vocalist for the rock and ska band No Doubt. The
band's diamond certified album Tragic
Kingdom helped launch the ska revival of the 1990s, and ‘Don’t Speak’, the
third single from the album, set a record when it spent 16 weeks at the number
one spot on the US charts.
Stefani performs and makes public appearances with four back-up
dancers known as the Harajuki Girls dancers. She is married to fellow rock star Gavin Rossdale, lead vocalist of the band
Bush. Gwen is a vegan, and is a big supporter the Save The Children charity’s
Japanese Tsunami fund.
In recent years, Gwen has stepped away from the Rock and Ska she
was better known for and launched herself as a solo artist verging on the more
pop side of the spectrum. Fingers crossed for a No Doubt revival!
10. Samara Kain
I couldn’t finish this list without
including singer, songwriter, guitarist and frontwoman of Gasoline Thrill! Extremely
talented and passionate, Samara has been in the music business for some time - playing
in a variety of bands since moving to London from France. She has been in a
range of creative roles including modelling, alternative clothing, featuring in
TV shows, presenting and interviewing bands, to freelance writing for
alternative magazines, appearing in music videos and even had a stint at music
PR. She has appeared in a number rock/alternative bands including Kain, Nemhain
& Catfight, before starting Gasoline Thrill, the band which I am a part of.
We have recently released an album titled Burn
with a new single (and brand new music video!) titled ‘Not Afraid’.
So there you have it! Hope you’ve enjoyed my Top Ten Female
Rockers, and hopefully you’ve picked up a new band or artist to listen to!
Today we are lucky enough to be featured on 'A Summer Full of Peaches', our friends Stacey & Carley's blog. They both visited London recently and asked for our input on where to go and what to see. So if you have any plans to visit London this year check out our suggestions HERE!
As you all know, we are a British and American couple. Before Laura and I got together, I had never been Stateside - so not only was our relationship all new (and the first time either of us had been with a girl) but there were all sorts of cultural differences - some funny, some that got lost in translation, and some just causing CONFUSION!
Laura is the American half of this relationship, but she has the advantage of understanding the 'English way' because her Dad was born and raised in Brentford, not far from where we now live in London.
We have noticed that they have similar conversations to us about their cultural and 'word' differences, and some of the simplest topics of conversation can end up being the most confusing! For example - how can the USA spend a season in 'Fall'? That sounds dangerous - surely Autumn makes far more sense! Also, why would you ever try 'pants' on in a store? Surely pants should remain on (in public) at all times....or is that called underwear? Aaaahhhh it's all so confusing!
Now, I could fill this blog post (and more) with our language struggles, but I'd be sure to cause trans-Atlantic conflicts! Laura finds it awkward when I really want 'sweets' (instead of 'candy'), and wonders why I would need my 'fringe' trimmed when clearly I am talking about my 'bangs'! How dare I want a 'fizzy drink' instead of a 'soda', and why on earth would that drink need to be 'topped up' instead of 're-filled'!
Fancy a top up?
Then there is the 'chip' topic - that'll confuse just about any waiter - let alone us - as British 'chips' are served with a meal at McDonalds (they'd never call them fries!), and American 'chips' are British 'crisps' - they come in packets and aren't served in fast food places. Phew!
The age-old question
Then there's the (grocery/food) shopping situation. Laura won't move unless I request the shopping cart (Where are we, old England? There are no horses, let alone 'carts' at our supermarkets - only 'trolleys')! Of course, the shock of having to park in a multi-story car park and walk to a shop, instead of driving to and parking right out the front of a shop, is just an odd concept for a lot of Americans. After you've maneuvered your car down the 'tiny' UK roads, you deserve a car parking spot right outside the shop - surely?! Oh, to come from a country with space! We here in the UK have to work with what we've got. Roundabouts are essential - if we were stopping at 'traffic lights' (instead of 'stop-lights') the whole time, we'd block our roads!
As a Brit, I think we have it great here on our island - we may not 'go big' like the Americans do, our medium drinks may be a small for the Yanks, our Starbucks may not stock quite the array of flavours, and our stores may not be open all night - but that's just fine.
GOING BIG!!
However, my life here will never be complete knowing there is one small difference that literally blows my mind....in the States, you can fill up your car with petrol (sorry, gas) without standing in the cold! I mean, whoa! I was stunned when Laura got out of the car, paid the amount she wanted to put in, put the pump in the car, and then came back and joined me and my stunned open mouth. You can pump 'gas' without standing there holding it - how in all that is sane is that possible?! Oh America, you really do make life so wonderful!
Going big - that really is a unique American-ism that we, as a couple, have adopted. Now, 'going big' in the UK might not be 'going big' American style, but we do what we can. Laura has us dressed up for every 'holiday' - and I don't mean packing our bags and taking a holiday! If I said that to an English person they'd presume that's what I meant, but I actually mean 'holiday' like Halloween, or Thanksgiving. or Easter or...well let's just say we dress up a lot! I tell you - that's why we take so many vacations (what an uncomfortable word) to hide from the photos that then circulate!
Or maybe I'm missing the point - maybe I should 'go bigger' - maybe I'm lacking 'spunk'....hahahahahaha! OMG 'spunk' - in case you didn't see 'Sorority Girls' (on E4 in the UK), it was a show where five American sorority girls started the first sorority in the UK with girls from Leeds. Anyway, a few of the girls were told they didn't make the sorority because they didn't have 'enough spunk'! You CANNOT tell a British person they lack 'spunk'! How do I explain this.... in the US 'spunk' means 'pep' or 'spirit' where, as a British girl, it's a good thing that don't I have spunk....spunk is exclusively for men, and it should be kept that way!
Apologies if the spelling in this post has caused confusion - I've used my English dictionary, so if I've got 'u's' where you didn't expect them or 's' instead of 'z', that's how I roll! A good way to spot who wrote most of a blog posted on our site is by checking the spelling!
I hope I've made you smile a few times while reading this, as I have been chuckling away trying to work out the best way to explain our differences. So, as I hug my cuddly toy (while Laura is trying to tell me that I should call it a 'stuffed animal' - really - this is not taxidermy!), I welcome you to the world of our trans-Atlantic relationship - it's certainly never dull!
American or British - which language do you speak?
Good afternoon everyone, we hope your Saturday is going splendidly!!
Just a quick post to let y'all know something really exciting - our love story is up on one of our favourite blogs, What Wegan Did Next!!
We are very excited to share our history, how we met, fell in love and everything we've done since - and we would LOVE you to pop over to their site, give it a read and let us know what you think!!
Thanks again Megan & Whitney for posting it, 'sharing the aloha' and for your continued support!
We are back home after an incredible long weekend in Paris - we ate, we sight-seed, we Christmas market-ed, we ate some more, we cuddled & kissed, it was manifique!
We will update you all with our trip tomorrow, but in the meantime, please read our guest blog on our friend Lacey's website, Lacey In The City!! We blogged for her all our favourite things in our home city, London! Hopefully it'll give you an idea of what to do if/when you visit, or re-kindle your love for the city, if you live here too!
And if you haven't already, also read about our manic adventure together in Paris two years ago! Talk about trains, planes and automobiles! (Read HERE!)
