Valentine's Day - To the Loves of my Life!

I am very lucky to have a life surrounded by strong, powerful, amazing women and I hope I never take that for granted. So on this Valentine's Day I thought I would write a dedication post to the wonderful women I love so very much!

The first is my wonderful, amazing, adorable wife who has single-handedly managed to find a job in a matter of days that gives us a lifestyle we once dared to dream about but were scared would never come true.  We are for all intents and purposes about to start a new, fulfilled life and it is mainly down to my wife. I can't wait.

Laura I love you so completely, madly, utterly. I am crazy in love with you and that makes every day better. The great times are exceptional, the bad times are never so bad, and the everyday is fantastic because I get to say I love you. I am proud to call you my wife, to talk endlessly about you to anyone and everyone who will listen and I am never short of things to say when they ask 'who's Laura?'. You complete me - Happy Valentine's Day my love.


The second lady is my Mum. The older I get the more I appreciate the practical help my Mum offers. When days are busy and long, I never underestimate the power of her home cooked meal and the offer of 'let me look after that' be it washing, paperwork or anything else. The past few days we've had my Mum to stay and through support, advice, guidance and a lot of work she's has turned our house from a building busting at the seams with our stuff back into our home. Since moving up full time we just hadn't had the time and in 3 days her experience sorted everything. We are lucky to have such a wise, helpful Mum to call on and we will never take it for granted.

The third woman is my Mom-in-law - Lyn. While we don't get to see Lyn anywhere near as much as we'd like, we are forever grateful for the Skype calls, Whatsapp messages and emails helping and advising us when planning trips, days out or even where to eat. Exploring every city is made better with the Lyn factor! We like to think that distance doesn't make a difference and our relationship with Lyn certainly shows that with modern technology it really doesn't, the only thing they need to work on is the virtual hug. We are constantly stocked with all the American goodness Laura misses and because of it L's homesickness is rare and infrequent- it's all because of the thoughtful lady that is my Mum-in-law. I couldn't have got luckier!

The final lady I have to mention is our puppy Bisbee! I like to think in human form she would be a wonderful woman because in puppy form she is so happy, loving, caring and ready to spread love that she couldn't be anything but wonderful. We have smiled more, laughed harder and found ourselves having conversations we never thought we would because of her. She has strengthened our family and given us the best excuse to have more time at home together so I couldn't not wish this bundle of joy a Happy Valentines!



I hope whatever you are doing, have done or plan to do today puts a smile on your face! Love is love and love is wonderful whoever you get it from!

Happy Valentine's day!

Tug of War

One thing I've learned about relationships since Sarah and I got together over five years ago now (!!) is that they are a tug of war, essentially. There is (almost) always a giver and a taker, and this dynamic shifts based on need. Often one of us becomes the giver willingly, but occasionally they are forced to give even if they don't want to, because they love the other person so much.

When we first started dating, I was very much the taker. I was 20, independent, in London completely on my own, and was a serial first dater (hey, free meals! Being poor ain't pretty...), so I took what I could get from people, and if they wanted too much back (my time, attention, trust...) I'd drop them. Reminder, I was only young, I'm not a horrible person haha :) Quite honestly, it was only Sarah's determination to give and not be dropped, her somehow seeing that I was worth the drama, the tumultuous relationship, the weekly panics of me being unsure if I could get my white wedding and suburban house dream with a woman, that is the reason we are making those dreams come true today. Because she gave, and gave.

But when we moved to Australia, the dynamic changed. As we took this large step together and I became able to trust that S too was committed to us, I calmed down, grew up, and realised what a wonderful woman I had. I quickly became a giver because Sarah needed to take, as it was her first time away from home, she was homesick, struggling with when to tell her family about us, and then struggling with her parents' reaction after she did come out. I gave more in that period than I ever had in any relationship previously, and happily - because I loved and trusted her, and wanted only the very best for my girl.

Alas, when we returned from Australia the seesaw shifted again. I found myself struggling to get a job after my extended time off - three months without a permanent job had me shaken, and with Sarah getting the first job she interviewed for (which has been awesome, every time she's ever job hunted this has happened!), my confidence was shot, and my desire to work and be a functioning member of society was at an all time low. What would I have done without Sarah's giving nature then? If I was on my own, I probably would have gone home, to Idaho, permanently. But with Sarah carrying me I finally got a full time job, and we were back to normal again.

Since then, it's been much more even - the taker and giver changes on a daily, or weekly basis, and I think that's attributed to our unfaltering faith in the other - Sarah knows I will do anything to support or defend her, and am always here for a cuddle (as she's not much of a 'talk it out' er), and I know Sarah will make me talk about things, or I won't be able to get over them, and she'll do pretty much anything to not let things/people hurt me.

We still have our falters, always to do with the outside world of course, but the swings - the tug of war - is so much less dramatic and life consuming on both of our parts, now that we are committed to each other. It's very much us against the world if need be - I know no matter what goes wrong, with friends, jobs, family, or anything else - I will always have my wife (in 7 weeks!), and she will always have me. And that's a pretty amazing thing.

Are We TOO Different From Each Other??

Laura and I have always come at things very differently; while Laura is more sociable and outgoing, I am shy and awkward. When Laura has the option to get creative on something the end result is amazing, when I get told to get creative I FREAK OUT!

While maths has never been a major strength of mine, I am comfortable with logic. I’ll come up with ideas but they will be based in experience and come with a plan and will therefore take longer to form; Laura’s ideas will come out of left field, right field, just about anywhere and be immediate.

It may explain why our initial meetings started things off badly and meant we came to the obvious conclusion - we ‘just aren't the same type of people’ and should therefore avoid each other unless the situation brought us together.

Thankfully, plenty of situations did bring us together and now almost five years later I am so grateful, we are still very different people in our approaches but rather than that being a bad thing it’s actually a real benefit – especially in life!

Without Laura’s creative, out-there ideas we’d never have goals and do things, without my logic and need to plan and understand everything it may not have turned out very well. I love nothing more than making L happy, but I need to always think of the long term and not just the present when making a decision. I need to know logically any decision makes sense and is well reasoned.

So that brings us to the right-brain / left brain theory – have you heard of it? To me it’s the best way I can explain why we are so different, yet work so well together:

‘This theory of the structure and functions of the mind suggests that the two different sides of the brain control two different “modes” of thinking. It also suggests that each of us prefers one mode over the other. Experimentation has shown that the two different sides, or hemispheres, of the brain are responsible for different manners of thinking. The following table illustrates the differences between left-brain and right-brain thinking’ – from www.funderstanding.com

Most people have a distinct preference for one of these styles of thinking but some are more whole-brained and equally adept at both modes.

If you want to find out what you are check out the test here: http://en.sommer-sommer.com/braintest/

As much as I know Laura and are perfect for each other already, there is now further evidence to support it. We did the test and Laura came out as 62% right brained and 38% left. I came out as 69% left and 31% right! So as a couple we are 93% right brain and 101% left (yay, extra logical)! Could we be better matched?! (We don't think so!)

Crazy huh! And a real eye-opener for me in the sense that to make things work you really do need to accept and utilise the differences in your partner. I’m just lucky that L is probably more logical than the test shows because that girl can organise WAY better than I can, but maybe that’s because she can multitask and I panic in the details!

Take the test - what side of your brain is most dominant?